it's hammertime!
by Jason Sims
[NOTE: This story is taken from Jay's personal Blog. I thought it was too good not to share --tony]

I will speak of my hammertoe once and then probably not again until corrective surgery, at which time I'll detail the entire surgical procedure. I've been to the podiatrist twice, and I really dig how she handles my feet. She also treated me for athlete's foot, so I'm grateful for the cream. By the way, if you get athlete's foot, don't use Lotrimin. It's garbage.

For all you hammertoe virgins, it's a condition in which the toe is bent in a claw-like position. My claw is on the pinky toe of my left foot. Hammertoe is described as a deformity in which the toes bend downward with the toe joint usually enlarged. Over time, the joint enlarges and stiffens as it rubs against shoes.

It would be nice if I was one of those people with perfect features and only minor issues, like the occasional runny nose or scraped knee.

If I was an action figure, the back of the package would say:

*hairy back!
*pronounced cowlick directly atop his misshapen head!
*forcep scars permanently denting his face!
*hammertoe!
*dual-foot fungus!
*furry man tits!
*sprouts of ear hair!
*lazy eye!
*third nipple!

I retail for $12.99 at Toys R Us.