Won't You Be My Neighbor?

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.
Since we're together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor?

Mr. Rogers passed away today. He was a nice man.

Why use your real name when you can use a Hip-Hop Name? It's very trendy, all the ghetto kids are doing it.

Switching gears for a moment, let's return to our roots... stupid humor.

SAVE THE FROGS!!!!!!

Not to be outdone by the Danes, the Swiss have gotten in on the act.

Michael Jackson allegedly payed between $15 and $40 mill to shut this kid up, and keep this out of the public's eye. Money can only get you so far, creep.

From the same site, here's a lovely mug shot of hotty Yasmine Bleeth. Looks like someone could use a little beauty sleep!

Fuckin A!!! An extremely sensitive nanoscale device has been built which creates a ballistic magneroresistance (BMR) that exhibited a record change in sensor resistance of more than 3,000% !!!!! But don't take my work for it, read for yourself. So what, you ask? Well, giant magnetoresistance (GMR) is so out you know? I just didnt want you to sound stupid at a party. I know how much GMR has been in everyone's minds in the last few years, but it's time to move on people.

Wow, that's amazing! Kinda reminds me of this. Except that i figured out how this one works. Tal's is still magically mysterious.

If only everything could be as simple and beautiful as The Inflatable Church.

And if you liked the religious undertones of that, you are sure to love this one....
the Patron Saint of the Internet.

My take on Iraq

After going back and forth on the Iraq issue, I have finally come to a conclusion. It wasn't easy. There are clear reasons for taking Saddam out, but there are clear reasons for not getting involved. Read my brief takes on the pros and cons, and then feel free to come up with your own conclusions... mine is at the bottom.


Reasons for taking him out:

As a so-called civilized society, we are responsible for policing the world. We cannon permit out of control regimes to rule their citizens with torture and terror. Saddam is as cruel as any old-school fascist has ever been, and he has the blood of thousands of his own people on his hands. How many more years of this should we allow this to happen? History has taught us time and time again that if we ignore fascists, they end up causing more trouble than if we would have eliminated them. Case in point, Hitler. Case in point, Hussein in the Gulf War (why the fuck didnt we take him out?? Does anyone outside the Bush family table know this?). You can be a real cynic and say that war is good for business, and that's why it's good for the US, but the truth is that no one wants a war. This will turn quite ugly for the Bush administration if teenage kids start coming home by the boatloads in body bags. The West must get involved, and the use of force is necessary. There is no other way Saddam will be toppled. He has repeatedly ignored the UN, and there is clear evidence of a deceptive policy towards inspectors.


Let's not get involved

I hope that the majority of peace demonstrators agree that something needs to be done about Saddam Hussein. A lot of their anger comes from the perceived notion that the US is rushing into it. US military strategists, with the President's ear in full attention, realize that it cannot fight a war in the desert in the summer. If they are to invade, they must do it before probably April, otherwise running the risk of wait until September. If the US is being truthful about it's case (more on that in a minute) then there is the possible fear that if Saddam is not immediately threatened, then he may have some breathing room for his mass weapons production. In other words, if the US lets up, and he doesn't feel immediately threatened, he may use that as an opportunity to pounce on the West while they are less likely to be ready.


Anyway, I don't think that the demonstrators are inherently against taking Saddam out, they would just prefer it not be a messy affair with deaths involved. Fat chance. The timing issue aside, there is the whole oil issue. Bush has always had a soft spot in his stupid little heart for oil, and Cheney, well he loves oil. Although they do not publicly talk about it, you know it's on the agenda. Iraq has the 2nd most plentiful supply of oil buried below it's sand, second only to Saudi Arabia.


What makes me most angry is that that they actually thought they were fooling us with that war on terrorism crap. No one believes that Iraq is supporting terrorism. There are probably more Al Qaeda terror cells in NYC and London that in Iraq. Having a nice government that we get along with wouldn't do shit anyway. Look at Pakistan. The link between Iraq and Al Qaeda has not been proven, and the other half-assed reason, that they have a stockpile of chemical/nuclear weapos, has not been proven either. Hey Blix, find me a warehouse full of smallpox, and we got a deal.


The other thing that pisses me off is... let's just say that out of the goodness of our hearts we want to liberate the Iraqi people. Every now and then the US comes up with that reason. He is killing his people, they have no voice, blah blah blah. If that's our case for war, what about other naughty countries? These are some countries that currently have so called "oppressive regimes": Afghanistan, Algeria, Burma, China, the Democratic Republic of Congo, India (incl. Kashmir), Indonesia (incl. East Timor and Irian Jaya), Iran, Kenya, Liberia, Libya, Morocco (Incl. Western Sahara), Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Syria, Turkey. Let's not forget, like Sri Lanka, Zimbabwe, Rwanda, and on and on and on. Are we getting involved in any of those? Nope. Africa is in shambles, politically, and otherwise. We couldn't care less. The US policy is either to kiss the ass of a strategically or economically important country in that list, or completely ignore them.


So do we need a war? Not really. Should we continue to threaten Saddam with a possible bad ass attack if they do not continue to cooperate? Yes.


Maybe, just maybe all these guys in power are playing the classic "good-cop, bad-cop" roles. I would love it if our leaders were smart enough to come up with this gem.... that they artificially created this political rift between US/UK vs Germany/France. Saddam Hussein is the equivalent of an arrested guy in a dark and dimly lit room. It's smoky, and smelly There's a 60 watt bulb hanging from the ceiling, and a 2 way mirror in front of him.
"Let me at him, that fucking scumbag!" says the english speaking cop.
"Non non, mon amie, we must do zis by zee book", says the French cop.
The frenchman restrains the english speaking cop, and they storm out of the room. The nervous Iraqi is shaking, ready to spill his guts.
The two cops walk over to the vending machines, smiling at each other. The english speaking one says "How am I doing? am i convincing enough?"
The French cop answers, "Oui mon amie! You are very convincing as zee upset thug. Keep up zee good work."

Don't believe everything you read. It may lead to a war.

Tal, to answer your question, you can put whatever you want here. If you feel like answering a question, you may. If you have a funny thought or an important message, you may Blog that as well. Just make sure that you click on Post & Publish when you're done writing. The connecting and feeling is perfect!

Happy Valentine's Day. Everyone needs a bit of love... even Inmate Penpals.

Nice Brussels Street Bellies
Nicer Great Danes

very cool site. Brings out the author in ya one word. so little time.

Great fun. Courtesy of Tal Ariel.

The Japanese are a funny bunch of people that are into weird things. Example here. More wacky things here.

I love this! Louis Farrakhan African Name Generator

It's been too long friends. I have neglected this blog. If it was a child, it would grow up and be an asshole. We have enough assholes in the world. Let's make a change.

[6/20/2002 6:35:04 PM | Jay Sims]

That missing kids page is broken, it takes me to an error page on excite. Damn
the internet.

[6/20/2002 6:34:01 PM | Jay Sims]

Wow, those guys ate a lot before they died. I wonder if they felt full during
their executions, or at least had the taste of all that grease on their lips.

My last meal would be:

the miso cod from nobu, 14 assorted sushi rolls, with lots of spicy mayo and
green tea

1 monster Peter Luger steak with mashed potatoes, mozzarella and tomatoes, and
the lamb chop appetizer

my mom's sausage and peppers special

my grandma's fried chicken cutlets

two softshell crab po-boys and a crawfish monica

For dessert I'd ask for Carvel hot fudge sundae and five cannolis. And some
of Ricky's mom's cookies.

[5/24/2002 10:14:21 PM | Tony Contreras]

Well it's about time Internet
Helps Find Missing Kids. I knew this internet was good for something.



[5/2/2002 11:43:15 AM | Tony Contreras]

Interesting piece Final
Meal Requests



[5/2/2002 7:41:04 AM | Tony Contreras]

A Bloody Maple Leaf

A possible short story By Tony Contreras

A fellow by the name of Roger Van Impe, brother of Islander defenseman Darren
Van Impe, goes on a rampage during game five's Oh Canada anthem. Although he
was born and raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, he has learned to despise everything
Canadian now that he has become a US resident.

insert more ridiculous details here

Anyway, he goes on and kills Jamie Lynn Sigler, mistaking her for a stewardess
that he thought he met the last time he flew Air Canada. He kills her by bludgening
Alexander Mogilny's right skate into her face. After he finds out that he killed
Long Island's other sweet-heart (after Sarah Hughes) he climbs the rafters,
drapes himself in the Canadian flag, then jumps to the ice. From that day on,
no one ever booed the national anthem of any country again. fin based on this
story



[3/14/2002 9:34:53 PM | Jay Sims]

Screw the penguins. It's MARCH MADNESS baby!

I've predicted OKLAHOMA to win the whole thing.

I started my new job this week. It sucks very much. I plan to leave soon. Maybe I can care for the penguins instead. If penguins aren't available, I'd gladly raise pigeons.

Some good links

www.myhiddentalent.com (publish your words, just like on assface)

www.zoetrope.com

www.digitalfilms.com (make your own film)

www.dvdovernight.com (as an alternative to netflix)

www.debka.com (for the real latest news about my friends, the hebrews)

www.escaladesports.com (so I can dream about someday owning a real pool table)

www.snopes2.com (click on 'college')

[3/14/2002 11:50:19 AM | Tony Contreras]

Gay penguins?



[3/7/2002 3:16:21 PM | Jay Sims]

Bukkake has become a pretty hot topic this year. It was also popular last year.
Most people only practice it behind closed doors and you can't mention the word
on television so it doesn't get the constant plugging that words like 'terror'
or 'britney' or 'bush' get.

I just found out that I've been pissing and pooping out of the same hole.

This must be why my pee smells so bad.

A guy at Starbucks (yes I patronize those bastards) made me promise to pay
for his latte if he could successfully snort my coffee through his nose and
make it come out his eyeballs. He did it alright, and I wound up with no coffee
to drink and seven bucks lighter in the wallet as a result!

Fuckin' Chileans.

for asian delights, visit www.japan-zone.com



[3/7/2002 10:42:22 AM | Tony Contreras]

I flick boogers at homeless people I flick boogers at homeless people.
I do this without shame or remorse. Truth be told, I really like doing it. If
you were to spy on my while I do it, (not an easy task I assure you), you’d
find that I smile quietly to myself when one of the particularly sticky boogers
lands on one of them. Sometimes during a particularly momentous meeting between
an offensive homeless bum and a slimy booger, you may even catch me doing a
mini-fist pump in the style of Tiger Woods. Sure Tiger Woods is great golfer
and all that, but do you think he’s ever flicked a booger at a homeless guy?
I think not. The beauty of the booger flick is not in the flick itself, but
rather in the booger extraction process. I specialize in the subtle art of getting
boogers out without attracting much attention. You’ve all seen the typical public
nosepicker, diggin’ away. That kind of animal has no shame, in fact his nonchalance
at the rest of the world’s disgust only makes him be more disgusting than he
would otherwise be in the privacy of his own home. As for me, we could be having
a face to face conversation, and I’d pick my nose while you were telling me
a story, and you wouldn’t even know it. Hell, if your story doesn’t strike my
fancy, I may flick the booger on you. So watch it asshole.

[3/7/2002 9:32:20 AM | Jay Sims]

www.timelessmail.com for all those
who missed your funeral...

[3/6/2002 3:01:34 PM | Tony Contreras]

Think of the kittens



[3/6/2002 12:52:56 AM | Jay Sims]

Tomorrow I'm buying new pants. Hopefully they'll all be 36 in the waist. I need
some undershirts, and they have to be black. I've heard that the color black
has a slimming effect.

I'd try to wear one of those sexy wifebeaters, but my tits would flop around
too much. Wobbly tits are only good for young girls, or really old Italian men.

I'm taken aback by the mere notion that The Vowelish Coalition exists.

I'm working on a piece about Borobudur. If you're a Buddhist, you'll understand
the significance of this.

If you're not, then just go watch your idiotic shows. Go, turn on your Everybody
Loves Raymond, or Frasier. Two shows that suck my ass.



[3/5/2002 5:32:03 PM | Tony Contreras]

I actually thought of this while not high:

"The Vowelish Coalition."

Its leader Y believes that it belongs in mainstream contemporary vowel
thought. It hates the a-e-i-o-u...sometimes Y thing, and it's desperately
trying to get the respect it feels it deserves. If the coalition has its way,
expect sometime in the future to pay a premium for words like sky, cry, July,
and May. Y hopes that calendar royalty revenues alone can completely
fund its endeavor.

The coalition's only other member is Q, although in private Y
has expressed doubts as to Q's chances. Q's legal team realizes
that its only shot to joing the elite group is to slip in under the radar by
its resemblance to U.

A notable absentee P refused to comment. U has threatened legal
action of its own.



[3/5/2002 9:03:31 AM | Jay Sims]

Blogging is like crapping. Just do it once or twice a day, and you'll feel good.

[3/4/2002 4:44:31 PM | Tal Ariel]

What's going on here? This is my first blog experience. Can someone explain?

[3/4/2002 4:24:26 PM | Tony Contreras]

Holy crap! On my 2/22 post I mentioned my hatred for the Swiss, and looky what
they've done just a few weeks later (CNN
story). Is this column that influential that I can impact world events?
I'm going to assume so... so expect more self-centered material from now on.

I'm going to begin by asking for some more socks. You can never have enough
of those. I need more dress socks, about 6 or 7 pair, and grey athletic socks.
A 12 pack will do.

[3/3/2002 11:41:02 AM | Jay Sims]

I hate the way Tony snuck in that gay grandpa threesome. It was a very nasty
gag, and having my browser crash while stuck on three geriatrics servicing each
other is the ultimate definition of vile.

Poo on Contreras.

I did learn something from the anal sex article. Catholic school girls are
easy to bungi with. Jason Giambi hit two homeruns in his first spring training
game. Tal, Eric, and Tony can eat shit again this year as the trophy will be
finding its way back to the Bronx.

Rollerball is playing on ESPN Classic on Sunday night at 9PM.

This chick is hot.
And she takes amazing photos of herself.

[3/3/2002 8:02:05 AM | Tony Contreras]

I gotta spread the love. www.blacklungs.com

[3/1/2002 6:31:04 PM | Tony Contreras]

The Vice Guide to Anal Sex - Very interesting article

[2/27/2002 6:36:31 PM | Jay Sims]

As long as we're talking upsets, who better to start with than our favorite
new American, Olympian Sarah Hughes? She's got a schnozz like Streisand, which
is what has prompted me to begin with her. I feel that we should honor this
young jap from Great Neck by throwing her a parade. In this parade there will
be midgets, guys without arms, some clowns, and most certainly our prized wild
turkeys...and since the main road in Great Neck is already littered with them,
we'll have lots and lots of Persians!

Today I'm into my seventh month without real employment. There is not much
to say about that, beyond that.

I live upstate now, in a home sponsored by the federal witness protection
program. It's quite slow up here, although I've been known to break into the
college cafeteria and take hostages for a few hours. I wind up letting them
go eventually, but not before stealing some blocks of cheese and sliced meats.
Honey, I'm gonna make you a school lunch tomorrow!

But usually, I just sit at home watching The Hustler starring Paul Newman
and Jackie Gleason, or hours of SportsCenter. I also stare at the walls and
reflect on my thinning hair.

Get on me Tone, I can't lose.

[2/27/2002 5:55:19 PM | Tony Contreras]

What's the deal with Barbra Streisand? Is she that talented that she
has become America's perpetual sweetheart? I say fuck you to Barbra Streisand!
Imagine, just you reading that made you feel icky... like she'll find out and
you'll get into some kind of trouble. Well lucky for us we live in America,
and you can worship Barbra as much as you can worship RuPaul or even Paul
Williams.

Now Paul Williams, there's a guy you can get on. Let's worship this working
class hero instead of that big-nosed funny-girl!!!!! Come on people,
let's make a change.



[2/25/2002 11:11:44 AM | Tony Contreras]

The 2002 Winter Olympics finally ended, and now I have nothing to look forward
to on the TV. The Olympics are so great, it makes you wonder why the hell we
can't all get along in the first place. Wouldn't the world be great if all the
countries created super athletes, and they can have all the performance enhancement
supplements they could possibly hold, and they enganged in settling disputes?
Just think if the Taliban played the US in a mutually agreed on sport... say
short track speed skating. I know what you're thinking, the Taliban has no world
class speed skaters, but that's where the UN would come into play. They would
provide training and drugs. Lots of drugs. It would be an even match, and Apolo,
although favored to win, would end up falling, or choking, or something. No
wars, no destruction, only good natured sport.

[2/22/2002 9:49:01 AM | Tony Contreras]

You know who sucks? The Swiss. They don't belong to the UN, they don't belong
to the EU, they don't want anything to do with the Euro, yet there they are,
competing in the Olympics. Who do they think they are? Their whole economy is
based on thieves stashing money away in their protected banks. For that, they
can all go SUCK IT.

[2/16/2002 1:10:24 AM | Tony Contreras]

Funny country names: Turkey, Guam, Yemen, Micronesia, New Caledonia

[2/14/2002 5:50:40 PM | Tony Contreras]

Happy Valentine's Day. May cupid shoot you right in the ass.

[2/13/2002 2:08:29 PM | Tony Contreras]

Isn't it amazing that they used to put cocaine in Coca-Cola? And isn't it more
amazing that once they realized that cocaine wasn't the best idea, they put
in caffeine as the substitute? What if in 20 years, we realize that we
all could have been more productive if we weren't all hopped up on caffeine?
I mean, sure you feel more awake with the help of caffeine, but in the
long run, you know it's gonna fucking kill ya.

[2/12/2002 9:50:11 PM | Tony Contreras]

F these damn Russian skaters... they can all go suck it

[2/11/2002 3:27:23 PM | Tony Contreras]

I don't think this Blog business is as interesting as they say it is, but I'm
willing to give it a try. The minute I have something interesting to say, I'll
update this.